One of the worst feelings is being left out. Something is going on and you aren’t included, whether it was intentionally, or you were forgotten, or they never imagined you might want to be included .
While some people prefer being on their own, that is different from actually being left out. Being left out means that you wanted to be there, if only you knew about it or were able to be there.
There are always lots of reasons available for not including more people in a gathering or event, and most of them make sense — there wasn’t room, we only had four tickets, it was a last minute thing.
Similarly, there are often excuses given when people find out they were left out — we couldn’t reach you, we thought you wouldn’t like it. Notice that I make a distinction between reasons and excuses.
But unlike the stated reasons and guilt-deflecting excuses there are usually simple, deeper reasons — I’m not sure I like you, you are different, I didn’t think of you, we are happy with just us, we don’t think you would add anything.
Yesterday I was arriving at a store in my car and saw a young man walking. I know this young man from a deli where he works. He has a kind smile and he makes excellent sandwiches. And his body is a bit bent. But he goes to work and he walks places, which is a lot healthier than driving everywhere.
I timed it so that he and I arrived at the front door of the store together, and I called his name, which I knew from his name tag at the deli. I introduced myself and we chatted for a minute. He was on his way to see his brother, who worked in a childcare facility. Helping people is something that runs in their family.
Thinking about that made me happy — I am a big fan of people who help. While I had been the one to start us talking, we both were benefiting.
He and I got to share a moment — just two people meeting and talking. We were together, and part of something. Neither of us was on the outside.