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"The things we want are really the times we share."

"The most important things we bring with us are within us."

"If I had only one thing I would take a smile over an iPod."

~ Rob Hueniken

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The New Glory Days – Pruning back former glory to find new joy

by Rob Hueniken on Monday, June 28, 2010

pruning-back-some-former-gloryOne of my favorite summer flowers is the garden geranium, with its beautiful, summer-long color. It is the type of flower that you can count on, week after week, month after month. With only a bit of watering, and some essential pruning, they will continue to make your life brighter.

Growing up, our family hung white pails of red geraniums from the trees along our laneway. They were a cheerful sight for guests and part of the colorful backdrop for my early years.

What I didn't know then is that it is the pruning of geraniums that keeps them looking so wonderful. Yes, they'll survive if you just water them, but after a month they'll have a browning collection of old flower clusters — masses of former glory — that stifles the growth of the new blossoms.

On a geranium, removing the old flowers is easy. There's a single stem that holds each cluster, and you can quickly break off the old bits with your fingers.

But unlike flowers, when it comes to people's lives, former glories can be hard to prune away and leave behind.

getting-past-the-old-glory-daysEach of us has memories of great moments in our lives — our successes and our achievements. They were the times when we came out on top, either on our own or as part of a team. By the time we are adults, there can be all sorts of glory days to remember: Sports victories, school successes, business coups, art show ribbons, as well as outrageous but successful exploits of all types.

Memories of our past victories can be great fuel for our lives, giving us confidence, and reminding us that we can do it if we really try. They can boost our reputation, and help us reach new and better goals.

The problem with glory days is that they can become less of a trophy and more of an anchor, dragging us into the past. The change occurs when we stop using our previous successes as fuel for our future, and start thinking that either our best days are behind us, or that we can rest on our laurels.

A big part of moving forward with our lives is changing our focus from me to us — from our own victories to shared successes — from "I can do it" to "we can do it together." 

Life's best moments, for people of all ages, are usually the times we share. They are the times we are together, helping each other, and bringing our personal strengths, feelings and knowlege into play. Life's great times are when we are sharing the task and the fun. Sure we want to get things done, but it is the sharing of community that makes life special.

For many people, the years of competitive school, sports and work environments have left them thinking that their contribution time is over — that they haven't got what it takes anymore. But while youth does give an advantage when it comes to running a touchdown, people of every age can be a part of important projects, including social and community efforts.

And while it is true that it takes money to live, there is much more to life than money — and almost all of the really good things in life start with a smile and an offer to spend time with someone, helping.  Which would you prefer to say: "When I was 20 I won a football trophy" or "Later today a bunch of us will be helping fix up the community centre"?

Whatever your age there are opportunities for you to help make our world better, and for you to become happier.

Our glory days are still ahead — and we are going to share them.

glory-days-are-about-helping-each-other-today

Bruce Springsteen, in his song, Glory Days, talks about the problem of living in the past:

Now I think I'm going down to the well tonight and I'm going to drink till I get my fill. And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it but I probably will. Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture a little of the glory of.  Well time slips away and leaves you with nothing, mister, but boring stories of glory days.

Be a part of your community. Find ways to share your strengths and time on projects that matter to people.
You will find there is great joy in helping others, and that our glory days are still ahead.

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Subtle warmth and color

by Rob Hueniken on Saturday, April 3, 2010

Better for the subtle color Back in the days of wood heating, the fireplace was a central and essential part of the house. Stoked and prodded, fire was a bright orange source of heat, and a strong reminder of our shared interests in warmth and community. Atop the fireplace, on the mantle, was always something of personal meaning to the family, be it a family portrait or a treasured heirloom. Chairs were positioned around the fireplace, and it was a focal point that drew us together frequently, to talk and share time.

Nowadays, most homes are heated thoroughly and invisibly by a furnace or baseboard heaters. No-one has to stoke or carry wood, and we can each be comfortable in our own rooms. More often it seems, we are on our own, with our iPods and screens. Without direct fire we are safer now, and the warmth is easy and assumed. Its cost comes in the bill at the end of the month, and the more subtle loss of shared time and discussion.

On a recent visit to my parent's home my Mom had changed the fireplace mantle display. An elegant vase from my childhood held long stems of spring buds and bull rushes. Entwined through it all were soft, pink flowers. On its right was a beautiful woman, dressed in soft grey with a matching pink umbrella, enjoying the nearby flowers.

The starkness of the dark brown bullrushes stood out against the muted shadows on the wall, and it struck me how easily we can separate ourselves from nature and community. In their native environment, bull rushes grow in swamps, and wet feet are guaranteed for their collection — or would be if it were us collecting them. More often these days the colors of nature are filtered through our screens, and not so much entwined, but engulfed, in the determined marketing of everything. There's a lot of pulsing, dynamic color to be seen on our screens, and no shortage of actors' interpretation of life.

But here in my parents' home, bull rushes and porcelin ladies stand together, as we sit and talk and share.

People are wonderfully adaptive and strong — surviving almost anything and flourishing whenever possible. I love art and the freedom and creativity that our culture encourages. I know that people gather, as they always have, to share time and stories — to meet and to fall in love.

But let's not lose our sense of subtlety — our joy in calmness — our appreciation of being together, full of subtle warmth and color.

Better for the subtle colors

Looking closer at the mantle's display, I saw the small pink flower on the vase. Nice touch — very subtle.

sutble-color-on-the-vase

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Guess who’s not coming to dinner

by Rob Hueniken on Sunday, September 27, 2009

Having dinner with friends at a nice restaurant is a wonderful event. You are with people you love, being served excellent food that arrives without any effort by you in the kitchen. The air is filled with laughter and storytelling, and time rolls backward as you reconnect with friends with youthful exuberance.

I joined five friends recently for just such a marvelous evening that had all of these great things and more.

Arriving at the restaurant we found the place  buzzing and busy, with hostesses taking names of eager diners and every table taken. But two of our group had arrived early and threaded us, skillfully as scouts, to a temporary table in the bar area. The evening was on, and so were we — funny stories, delicious hors d’oeuvres, and cheerful but persistent offers from some fellows standing nearby to pay us if we gave them our table. It was a super supper time. After waiting a while for our dining room table we gave into their persistence, and our timing was perfect — it was just as a hostess came to guide us to the dining room.

someones-not-coming-to-dinner

Before leaving the bar area we heard a train and saw someone outside in the dark. The restaurant had once been a railroad station and the trains still trundle by, tinkling the wine glasses and surprising the diners. We didn’t know why this man was out there but as the train slowed down it seemed likely that he might be catching a free ride, from the outside of our fancy restaurant to the outside of somewhere else.

I took a photo of that moment, when my heart wobbled from joyful camaraderie to wanting more — not for me but for this man, and everyone who’s not yet coming to dinner.

It is good to have times of feasting and celebration, and important to work with compassion and determination toward a future when more of us will have enough.

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Not on the outside

September 24, 2009

One of the worst feelings is being left out. Something is going on and you aren’t included, whether it was intentionally, or you were forgotten, or they never imagined you might want to be included . While some people prefer being on their own, that is different from actually being left out. Being left out means that you wanted to be there, if only you knew about it or were able to be there. There are always lots of reasons available for not including more people in a gathering or event, and most of them make sense — there wasn’t [...]

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Someone that someone cares about

September 12, 2009

As people discovered with the Six Degrees of Separation, we are all connected in surprisingly few steps. While walking in the mall, driving down the road, or having lunch, we are near to people that someone close to us knows and cares about. It is an illusion that our days are filled with true strangers — an illusion that continues because we spend most of our time “getting things done” rather than getting to know our community. A photography project called Being Toronto uses a portable photography studio to take free portraits of the people making up the city. In [...]

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Being the gears instead of giving them

September 7, 2009

We all know what it is like to be part of our society: lots of things on the go, and ever-more things to buy. Threaded through most of the things we do are the people in our lives — our family, friends, work mates, service people and those driving by us. As a former computer programmer I know how busy life can be — full of details and endless tasks. I actually lost a few years of my life to work, before I had this simple but important revelation: People are more important than things and tasks. While I still [...]

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Maybe Smarties maybe balloons

September 5, 2009

Things that look alike can turn out to be very different as we get closer to them, and get to know them. I have always been a fan of Smarties, the colorful candy-coated chocolate treats (Wikipedia). Round but also flat, small but easy to grab — they are fun to eat and easy to share.  Their cousins, M&Ms, share the same features. I can even thank Smarties for teaching me the idea of sorting: “Here are the red ones, and here are the blue ones.” Smarties usually come in a box, which even kids can open, and make a great [...]

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Cookies make us kids again

September 2, 2009

There is one thing that can bring people of all ages and cultures to a shared smile: cookies. Our local deli-restaurant is a gathering place on Sundays, where family and friends get together. Everyone gets to order their own meal from the various counters so we tend to grab our trays and spread out when we first arrive. On our recent visit I spied a glowing display case of beautiful cookies, and I pointed it out to my young-adult children. They both dutifully looked over at what Dad was pointing to, and then they stopped talking. Transfixed by the colors [...]

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Becoming Batman

August 26, 2009

Our continued interest in comic book heroes reflects our admiration for those who help others despite the challenges. When I was a boy I got my comic book fix in 12 cent monthly increments They were delivered via the local variety store called [in all its early innocence and lung-stomping dastardliness] the Smoke Shop. There, amidst my options of Donald Duck, Richie Rich and Archie comic books I would seek out the stories of how a rich guy, helped by the small but vital team of his butler and young protege, would use his wealth and techno-talents for good. Unlike [...]

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Popsicles are for Sharing

August 24, 2009

When I was six years old my class participated in a track and field day at a neighboring school. It was a bus trip away and the spring day was hot and sunny [a rare weather condition in that Northern area]. Being frugal, my Mom had packed me a lunch, which I devoured between running events [I was a fast sprinter in those days, with two good ankles working smoothly beneath my shins]. As I walked around the school yard I saw two girls from my class eating Popsicles. “Where did you get those?” I asked eagerly. “Over there,” one [...]

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